


Fire Safety

by angel_wing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mutants, Angst, Anxiety, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2014, Dean/Cas Mini-Bang Challenge 2014, Dean/Castiel Mini-Bang, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Nightmares, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 03:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2677601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_wing/pseuds/angel_wing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people have special powers concerning their bodies or such things like controlling the elements. They’re called mutants due to their abilities. Dean is a mutant, he can control fire or at least he’s supposed to control it. Dean tried to have a normal life, but due to his debts he was forced to get a flat mate – that’s how he ended up living with a fresh-after-breakup man, that needed to straight his life. But demons of past are always present and so Dean pushed him away, even though so many things connected them. </p>
<p>This is part of DCMB 2014 Challenge</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my Dean/Cas Mini-Bang Challenge 2014 fanfic, here you can find art made by amazing artist: http://artandnerdery.tumblr.com/post/103688393255
> 
> Thank you for drawing this for me!
> 
> And a big THANK YOU to my outstanding friend Amy (destielismylove) that agreed to beta for me! I love you!

 

The hall was dark, darker than usual. He tried flicking on the lights but he couldn’t reach the switch. He took a deep breath and smelled something. Smoke. The feeling of dread hung heavy around him and he felt someone’s eyes watching him, but he didn’t have to look around to know he was there alone. He slowly walked down the hall, touching the wall to feel his way through the darkness. And then he heard it.

_Dean._

His name, whispered somewhere in front of him. Then again, and again. The closer to the hall’s end he got the louder the voice was, until it was shouting Dean’s name. He recognized that voice and wanted to run to it, but his feet felt as though they were glued to the carpet. Then the door at the end of the hall opened and he saw flames. Yellow, orange and red tongues of fire licked the floor, the walls, and every available surface. And there she was. Caught in the middle of this horror, she was looking at him with frightened eyes. His mother was burning alive.

_“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_

Dean woke up yelling for his mother to run. He jumped off the bed and hurried to the small bathroom across from his room, barely making it to the toilet before he vomited his late supper. Which mostly contained whiskey as he haven’t been eating much yesterday. His head hurt, he felt overheated and his vision swam around when he tried to stand up. Dean’s stomach clenched a few more times, but it was already empty. He finally stood up on shaky legs and held onto the sink like his life depended on it and tried to regain control over his body.

“It was just a dream,” he said to his reflection in the bathroom mirror. “Just a fucking dream.” _Third this week_ , his masochist mind reminded him and he groaned. Why was his life so fucked up?

Dean went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, only to find it mostly empty. He made a mental note to himself to do a grocery run later that day and he sighed. Hopefully he’ll have enough cash. He closed the fridge and turned around. The microwave clock told him it was 12:07 and judging by all the light flooding his small kitchen it must have been noon. Thank God it was Sunday and he didn’t have to go to work today.

There was a half-full whiskey bottle, standing proudly on the counter, and another one, this one empty, was lying on the floor beside the couch in Dean’s living room he could see from his open kitchen. His flat was small but yet he always paid his bills late and had to repair his landlord’s car to keep himself from being thrown out. And to think he was a trained engineer, working for the biggest company in the state! He had to make more money somehow.

A chirping noise cut through Dean’s sour thoughts. He followed it and dug his cell out of his jacket haphazardly thrown over the couch.

“Hiya Sammy, what’s up?” he greeted his brother, trying to sound less hung over, not hungry and basically okay.

“Are you okay, Dean?” Of course Sam would see right through him.

“Of course I am!” Dean said trying to sound cheerful and not exasperated.

“You haven’t been answering my calls all day yesterday,” his brother said, but he didn’t sound angry, he sounded sad, and that made Dean’s insides twist worse than any hangover ever could.

“I’m fine, Sam,” he said instead of making some lame excuse his brother wouldn’t even believe in.

“I know it’s hard for you, Dean, but I just wanted to–“

“I’m _fine_ ,” Dean cut him off, stressing the last word.

His brother was silent for a moment, but then sighed heavily.

“Meet me on campus in an hour.”

“Sam, I don’t–“

“ _Dean_ ,” his brother said a bit angry. “Just, ah, just come meet me outside the library in an hour, okay? I’ll bring some sandwiches,” he said and then hung up.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean said to the silent phone.

He knew exactly why Sam was so angry and why he insisted on meeting up with him. It was because of the same reason Dean didn’t want to meet and was currently standing in the middle of his little kitchen, massaging his hangover head. Yesterday was their mother’s death anniversary.

*******************************************************************************

“You look awful.”

“Hello to you too, bitch.”

“I’m just stating a fact, _jerk_ ,” his brother snapped but then lightened a bit. “It’s good to see you,” Sam said and hugged Dean.

“Hell, it’s not like I’ve been away, Sammy! We saw each other last week,” Dean barked but hugged Sam back.

“Dean, I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said and raised his hand to stop Dean from interrupting him. “But you can’t put yourself in a state like this.”

Dean sighed under his brother’s concerned gaze. Sam was right, he can’t live like this. He can’t get drunk every time he thinks about his mother. But how was he supposed to go on when memories of what happened, what he’s _done_ hunted him more and more often?

He shook his head to get rid of those poisonous thoughts though he knew they’ll never leave him. Not really.

“How’s this project you’ve been working on going?” Sam asked after a while and started to walk towards the nearest bench and Dean followed.

“Fine. I finished building the prototype but Ash is still fumbling with the software.” Dean said when they sat down. “Man, I still don’t understand why people would want so much technology in their cars! Parking assistance, reverse lights sensors, even fucking rain sensor, so that windscreen wipers would start wiping before you even know it started to rain!”

Sam handed Dean a double chicken & beacon sandwich, that he unwrapped and took a huge bite of.

“That really sounds like a lot of programming,” Sam said before he also took a bite of his full-grain vegetarian sandwich.

“An’nit’sis,” Dean said, mouth full of chicken, then swallowed. “Crowley wanted those cars to have spoilers and extra lights to hide and reveal with one button pushed and he rejected five designs I sent him. _Five!_ ” Dean was finishing his sandwich in lightning speed and Sam handed him another one.

“Seems those cars would be expensive,” Sam said slowly.

“Hell yeah!” Dean exclaimed. “Of course that doesn’t mean we’ll be paid much better,” he added bitterly.

“Dean, you know I can lend you some money,” Sam said after a while, when Dean ate his sandwich in silence.

“No Sammy, you need it for your college.”

“But-“

“No! You have a degree to get,” Dean cut him off.

“I just want to help you,” Sam said hurt.

“I know,” Dean sighed. “I’ll be fine.”

“It would be cheaper if you moved in with me?” Sam suggested casually. He offered that to Dean for quite a while now.

“And live on campus with party-all-night students? Don’t think so! Thanks Sammy, but I’m too old for that,” Dean joked.

“You know I don’t- And you’re just four years older than me!” Sam said, bitchface on.

“See? I’m a grown up,” Dean winked at him and grinned, and Sam rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’ll have further to my work.”

“Then find a flatmate.”

“Sam-“

“I know, we’ve talked about it,” Sam raised his hands in a defensive gesture. “You don’t want anybody to accidentally walk in on you when you sing and dance to pop music,” Sam said and Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Sam continued “But I really think it would help repair your budget. You have one spare room as I vaguely recall.”

It sounded casual, but Dean knew what Sam meant. He stopped inviting Sam over to his place about half year after Sam got accepted to his law school, which was almost year ago. He kept finding new excuses as to why they couldn’t meet at Dean’s apartment and after some time Sam stopped asking. They would meet at coffeehouse or outside the library and each time Dean felt awful. He wanted to tell Sam about his secret, explain himself. But every time they met Dean would look into his brother’s eyes, so much like their mother’s, and all his courage would abandon him. He knows he searches for forgiveness he’ll never get.

“Dean?” Sam asked, his expression worried and Dean realized he’s been silent for too long.

“Yeah,” Dean cleared his throat. “I’ll think ‘bout it.”

“You will?” There was hope in his brother’s voice.

“Yes,” Dean said and it surprised him that he really meant it. Maybe it was time for a change?

That wasn’t the first time Sam suggested Dean to find a roommate, but he always refused, not wanting to even consider the idea. Truth was Dean was afraid, not of living with a total stranger. No, he was afraid he’ll hurt them, he always hurt other people, both metaphorical and not.

Dean felt himself getting hot, like those thoughts were burning flames inside him, and he started to take bigger breaths to calm himself down.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Damn, what was in that sandwich Sammy?” Dean joked and rubbed his stomach. He saw Sam wasn’t buying it, but still his brother seemed to decide to ignore it because he said “ _Cholesterol._ ”

Dean grinned; the heat was fading down slowly. “Aw, you know how to please me.”

****************************************************************************************

The next day Dean woke up before the alarm clock went off. For a few minutes he lied still on his cold, metal bed and watched numbers change on his digital clock – the only source of light in his dark bedroom. The one window in his room had long ago been covered with steel plate, just like the walls, floor and ceiling.

Dean sighed heavily. This is why he couldn’t bring Sam here. How was he supposed to explain it to him? How was he supposed to tell him that he was dangerous and built this, this _bunker_ to keep other people in his building safe? And most of all, how was he supposed to let anyone live with him just behind the wall? _Even if said wall was as solid as this_ , Dean’s mind remarked.

His alarm finally went off at 5:45 am and Dean got up from his bed, grunting. He turned off the alarm and stretched, bones popping back into place. He then unlocked the latch, pulled the door open and passed his living room on his way to the kitchen. He turned on the coffee machine and started making himself a small breakfast. Yesterday Sam forced him to take some money from him, so Dean could stock his kitchen with basic supplies.

He sat down and only then realized that he was naked. He got used to sleeping nude, it’s been years since the last time he even used beddings. What was the purpose really, if he managed to ruin every single sheet he had?

There wasn’t much information about others like him. It’s not like people were talking about them on the street. They were cursed, damned, outcast. Of course few people tried to fight for it to change, to get them accepted and not feared. Sam had mentioned something in that matter even before he got accepted to his law school. But Dean knew better. They were dangerous, bringing nothing more than destruction and pain. And he was one of them. He was a monster, a _mutant_.

As it appears mutants have various _powers_ , usually connected with the four elements. But there can be other, like telepathy or telekinesis, Dean even read about someone spontaneously growing gills to breath underwater. Maybe some people would see it as something to envy, maybe even Dean would, given other circumstances. But truth was he hated it, hated himself. Nothing good came out of having his powers. If it wasn’t for his powers he could have a totally different life, a normal one, with a stable job and a complete family. If it wasn’t for his powers his mother would still be alive.

A loud beeping noise coming from his coffee machine pulled Dean out of his reverie. He stood up and poured himself a cup of strong, black coffee, then got back to sit by the table. Chewing his breakfast slowly, Dean stared at the whiskey bottle standing on the counter across from him.

“What are you looking at?” he asked the bottle. “I don’t need a roommate.”

The bottle remained silent and Dean sighed.

“I know I promised Sam I’ll think about it, but I really don’t need a roommate,” he repeated. “It’s not safe.”

_But nothing bad has happened in a long time_ , his brain supplied.

“But what if it _does_ happen?” he asked no one. “What then, huh? What if I hurt them? What if I-“ he cut himself off, swallowing hard. The heat was once again creeping up on him and he tried to force it to subside. “ _I don’t need a roommate!_ ”

***********************************************************************************

“Dean, Crowley wants you to add few things to this car.”

“Aw man, what now?” Dean whined, pushing the sketches he’s been working on aside, making some space on the table.

They were in a room connected to the workshop Dean was working in at Crowley’s. It had been a long time since they decided eating there was better than going down to company’s cafeteria – it was far quieter there and no one disturbed them.

“Here, he made a list,” Ash said sitting down and pulling out his dinner.

“Automatically folding armrests, pedestrian sensor, lane sensor,” Dean read out loud. “Son of a… He puts so many electronic in it that he’ll eventually have to add solar panels on the car’s roof to fuel them all!” Dean said exasperated.

“Tell me ‘bout it!” Ash sighed and started digging into his dinner. Dean unwrapped his sandwiches. It was cheaper to bring his own food than buy something at the cafeteria or going out for lunch. “He’s really getting on my nerves and you know how calm I am,” Ash said between bites of his food.

Dean nodded not really listening. He was still thinking about the whole sharing-flat-with-somebody thing. He needed money. Almost everything he earned at Crowley’s was spent to pay the loan he took to build his little _fort_ and pay for all the damage he’s done before he managed to build it. He couldn’t ask for a promotion because of a little note in the contract that bastard made him sign.

According to his contract Dean was given a huge paycheck for a start (which he gave Sam so his brother could finish high school and move out to study law) and later on Dean’s payment would be set at the lowest stake. There was also a note stating that if Dean ever wanted to break the deal then not only would he be obligated to pay enormous compensation but the whole world would find out that Dean Winchester was a dangerous mutant that should be kept locked up. He would never forget how Crowley found him after a bar fight. Dean was half-conscious, dazed from alcohol, fight and his power’s heat; he almost killed the other guy. But Crowley said that he would fix it. He even said he’ll give Dean a job and money for him and Sam.

So Dean accepted his offer. Soon enough most of the money was gone and Dean worked hard to make a living, while with each passing day it was more difficult for him to control himself. When Sam got accepted to Stanford he was so excited about it, and Dean was proud of his little brother. But stress at work and constant worry about Sam, though probably exaggerated, made Dean loose control over his powers more often. He stopped asking Sam to stay at his place, not wanting to hurt his brother in his sleep because that’s when Dean was most likely to loose control over his body. That’s why he covered every surface in his bedroom with steel.

Dean sighed, extra money would be great. But if he was to live with somebody else he’ll have to make few changes. He’d have to put a lock on his bedroom door – he wouldn’t want anybody to come into his room. Secondly he’d have to clear the other bedroom where he made some sort of a storage/workshop. And of course Dean would have to post his offer somewhere.

“Dean, are you listening?”

“What? Sorry, I was just thinking,” Dean said, blinking few times.

“Yeah, I can tell as much. Look out or you’ll fry that brain of yours!” Ash joked and Dean smiled nervously. Every comment connected with fire or burning always made him uncomfortable.

“Anyway, I was just asking if that’s the new design you’d been working on?” Ash asked and pointed at the table.

Dean looked down and saw that he was still holding one of his sketch pens. Apparently Dean was subconsciously doodling on his almost finished design project. No, not doodling, _writing_ – ‘lock, bedroom, ad’.

“Shit,” Dean hissed.

“Don’t be so panicked, man. I’m not against finding ladies from ads, you know,” Ash winked at him.

“That’s not what it is. I’m just looking for a roommate,” Dean said while trying to rub those three words off of his design.

“And you want to lock them down in a bedroom and make an ad? Man, that’s too kinky even for me.”

“What? No!” Dean said a bit too loud.

“Relax, man. Gee, someone’s touchy today,” Ash teased but at the death glare Dean sent him he raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Fine, I’m done now.”


	2. Chapter Two

His renting offer looked funny, written on a copy paper and pinned in the middle of notice-board. It was a bit crooked to the side and Dean decided to repin it, but it somehow slipped from his hands and landed somewhere behind him. Grunting, he turned around to pick it up, but it was already picked from the ground.

“Erm, thanks,” Dean said.

“You’re having a room for rent?” the man holding his ad asked.

“Yes. Could you please give that back?”

Dean reached out but the other man wouldn’t hand the piece of paper over. He was looking at Dean with the gleam in his eyes and a growing smile.

“Great, you just found one!” the stranger exclaimed grinning widely.

“What?” Dean asked eloquently.

“You were looking for a flat mate, I found your offer and I’m interested,” the other man said.

He was casually dressed, with a trench coat that reminded Dean of flashers.

“Are you sure? We haven’t even discussed any conditions,” Dean said suspiciously. _You know nothing about me_ , remained unspoken.

Something was odd about that man.

“Yep, I’m sure er…” he looked down at the paper he was still holding, “Dean.”

Dean was still a bit skeptic but before he could say anything the stranger checked his watch and said “Shit! I’m gonna be late. Look,” he then addressed Dean. “Meet me later at the cafeteria, we’ll talk about the details.”

He said and almost ran in the direction of elevators, taking the next one that arrived and going down.

A few seconds had passed as Dean stood there alone, caught between _what the hell just happened_ and _should I follow him_? Finally he decided.

“Hey, wait!”

But the elevator’s door was already closed.

Dean ran to the elevators but both of them had been called on some higher floors. He decided to take the stairs to the first floor where the cafeteria was, which was just two floors below.

He jogged down the corridor and then stairs, to finally reach the cafeteria. He busted into the dining area, searching for a tan trench coat and dark hair. And there he was, sitting at the far table with his back to Dean, but it was definitely him – the same ruffled hair and it was his trench hanging from the chair beside him.

“You!” Dean exclaimed, making few people turn their heads, but not the mysterious guy.

Dean came closer, standing directly behind the guy and hesitated before laying his hand on the guy’s shoulder.

“Whoa! Easy there!” Dean said when the other guy jumped in his seat and turned his head around so fast that the move must have made his neck hurt. “Sorry dude, didn’t mean to scare ya.”

“You didn’t scare me, you merely surprised me,” the stranger said calmly and Dean was a bit taken aback with how different the guy sounded.

Yet it was the same guy.

“I’m… sorry. I just wanted to talk about the apartment?” Dean said and it sounded a bit more like a question than a statement.

“What apartment?” the guy asked.

Weird.

Dean blinked at him few times. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“You don’t need to be vulgar,” the blue-eyed man said. “It was not my intention to deceive you.”

Dean’s mouth fell open and for a moment they stared at each other, before another man sat down at that particular table.

“Oh Cassie, I can see you’ve met D- erm someone,” the new arrival said.

“I asked you not to call me that,” the trench coat guy growled at him. “And we haven’t properly met.”

The blue-eyed man stood up and reached his hand to Dean. “Castiel Novak, and this is my older brother Gabriel.”

Dean grabbed and shook his hand saying stiffly “Dean Winchester.”

“So Dean, what brings you here?” Gabriel asked, unwrapping some candy.

“I wanted to talk with your brother about the renting offer we’ve talked about earlier,” Dean said carefully and glanced at Castiel, who looked confused. “But it seems that he… That I have mistaken him-“

“No, no, it’s him alright. I have your offer right here,” Gabriel said and threw a piece of paper at the desk. 

“Why would you have it if I talked with your brother?” Dean asked at the same time as Castiel said “We didn’t have any conversation until now, there must be some mistake.”

“I know what I saw,” Dean snapped at him. He was slowly getting irritated now and he didn’t like that _at all_. “He looked just like you, he even had your face and your trench coat.”

Castiel’s eyes widened a bit, then filled with understanding and he looked like he had just solved a mystery.

“ _Gabriel_ ,” he hissed and faced his brother who just shrugged at him.

“It was Jimmy,” Gabriel said.

“What ‘ _Jimmy_ ’ now?” Dean asked suspicious.

“Cassie’s twin.”

“Is this some kind of a joke?” Dean was tired with this conversation.

“You can say I have… _many_ brothers,” Castiel answered tentatively.

“Good, so where is he?” Dean asked looking around.

“He had to leave,” Gabriel simply said.

This whole situation was ridiculous. No, scratch that, it was starting to get on Dean’s nerves. 

“If he’s gone how is he going to rent half of my apartment from me?” Dean tried to stay calm but it cost him a great deal.

“He’s not,” Gabriel said casually. “Cassie is.”

There was silence as Dean tried to process what exactly was happening. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Let me get that straight,” he willed his voice to stay calm. “I was talking with Jimmy, who told me he’s gonna rent a room from me, but he wasn’t really talking about himself but his twin brother, who doesn’t seem to know about the idea at all?”

“Yep, seems right to me,” Gabriel said, eating another candy.

“Please, at least tell me you actually _are_ looking for a room here, Cas,” Dean pleaded, opening his eyes and looking at Castiel.

He was going to explode; his head was swimming with data he couldn’t connect.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I am looking for a room to rent as I just moved here as a favor to work for Crowley,” Castiel said.

Dean should have guessed that Castiel would be working for Crowley since he was sitting in the company’s cafeteria but still it somehow surprised him. He was pleased though that they were on the same page now.

“I apologize for all the inconvenience my _brother_ put you through,” Castiel added.

“Nah man, it‘s okay,” Dean said. At least he managed to calm down. He didn’t need to add starting a fire to this.

Castiel picked up the offer lying on the table and scanned it.

“Is your apartment far from here?” he asked.

“Fifteen minutes drive, twenty five if there’s traffic,” Dean answered.

“How about the bills?”

“Not very high, we’ll split them in half. We can share food, unless you are some green health freak, then you pay for yourself,” Dean said with disgust.

“Fair enough. Why are you renting it?” Castiel inquired.

“I… need money.”

It was true but somehow it made Dean feel vulnerable and insecure to admit it to a stranger.

“Can I see the apartment?” Castiel asked.

“Well…”

Dean started to panic. He didn’t think someone will actually be interested in renting one of his bedrooms, least that they’ll be discussing it not fifteen minutes after he posted his offer. And Dean was not prepared yet. He hadn’t even put up a lock on the bedroom door and hadn’t cleared the other bedroom.

“I haven’t cleaned the room yet,” he said.

“That is not much of a problem, I can assist you,” Castiel assured him.

“No!” Dean said a little too quickly. “I mean, thanks, but that won’t be necessary.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t want you to erm hurt yourself.”

Castiel squinted at his words and Dean was feeling more and more uncomfortable. He felt hot all over, he started to sweat. He wasn’t ready, for any of this, how could he really? This was a bad, very bad idea.

“Dean. _Dean!_ Look at me!”

There was a voice but Dean couldn’t focus on it. All he could think of was that he’ll hurt somebody. He couldn’t do it. How could he think that he was ever able to trust himself to live with somebody, _anybody?_

Dean was burning from the inside, the heat was surrounding him and he started to suffocate.

Strong hands were shaking him and he heard someone say something but he couldn’t think of anything else than fire. Flames, eating him from inside, everywhere. He was going to die. _Maybe that’s for the best?_ Dean thought, _I don’t deserve to li_ -

A hand connected with his cheek in a mild painful slap and Dean momentarily opened his eyes. He didn’t even know he closed them. The flames were subsiding slowly as the blue coolness filled his vision, and he heard a soft voice say “breathe”.

Dean did as told, taking deep breath through his nose, and smelled mint, ocean and the faint scent of lavender.

“Exhale,” Castiel said.

Dean obliged, breathing out through his mouth and making Castiel’s shirt collar move slightly.

“Are you better now?” he asked looking at Dean with concern, probably worried he’ll loose his senses again.

“Yes.” It came out more like a raspy whisper and Dean cleared his throat before repeating. “Yes, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Castiel said but didn’t stop scrutinizing Dean’s face, settling finally on his eyes.

Just now Dean realized how close to each other they were standing and that Castiel was squeezing his arms, while Dean’s hands were clutching the front of Castiel’s shirt tightly.

“Damn, sorry man,” Dean said letting go of the shirt.

He reached to smooth the wrinkles he made but stopped mid move when he realized what he intended to do. Not only had he scared the man for sure by loosing his senses but now he was going to mob the poor guy? Nice move, Winchester.

“I say, you two are getting close pretty fast,” Gabriel’s voice cut through the tense silence and Dean was reminded that they’re standing in the middle of cafeteria. He took one step back, away from Castiel, and looked around. Fortunately they were the only ones there, the other people must have left already.

“Sorry about that,” Dean said. “I sometimes have these… er…”

“Anxiety attacks?” Castiel supplied.

“I- yes.” It was hard for Dean to admit to any sort of fear, but it was far better than telling the truth. “I’d totally understand if you decide to backtrack from renting that room.”

“Is there anything else I should be aware of?” Castiel asked instead of answering.

“Um,” Dean cut himself off and stared at the other man for what felt like eternity while his mind was flooded with words like ‘bad idea’, ‘back away’, ‘run’, ‘lie’. He couldn’t tell Castiel who he really was but it would be highly unfair if not dangerous if he lied. He should just tell him that the deal was off.

First notes of _Pacific Rim_ main theme song blasted from Dean’s jeans pocket, since he turned all ringtones to highest volume back at the workshop. He was relieved to not have to answer Castiel’s question immediately (though he still had to slow down his heart rate due to sudden noise).

“Sorry, I need to answer that,” Dean said accepting the call and stepping aside for some privacy. “Hiya Sammy.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Sam asked on the other side of the phone.

“No, why?”

“You were kinda out of breath,” Sam said.

“I’m in the cafeteria, you perv,” Dean said lowering his voice a bit.

“I wasn’t implying anything inappropriate, jerk!” Sam huffed and Dean imagined his brother’s standard bitchface. “You could be lifting some heavy car element for all I know!”

Dean gaped at his phone, mind searching for a witty comeback.

“Bitch,” he didn’t find any.

“Whatever,” Dean could hear the eye roll in Sam’s voice. “I’m calling to ask if you’d like to grab some lunch together?”

“I’d like to, Sam,” he said and glanced over his shoulder to where the Novak brothers were absorbed in conversation. Castiel was whispering something angrily but Gabriel looked totally unmoved, munching on his chocolate bar. “But I’ve spent almost all my break discussing renting arrangements with my new roommate,” he said still looking at their hushed conversation, or rather on Castiel’s monologue.

There was a too long pause on Sam’s end and Dean pulled away his phone to look at the screen and check if the connection is still on. It was, so he put it back to his ear and tentatively asked “Sammy?”

“You’re kidding me.” Came Sam’s response, more of a statement than a question.

“What? No,” Dean said surprised.

“Dean, please,” Sam cut him off. “I know I’ve been nagging you about it for _months_ but you don’t need to lie.”

“I’m not lying!” Dean protested. “His name’s Castiel Novak, he’s starting his work at Crowley’s and we’re now at the company’s cafeteria to talk ‘bout details,” he said raising his voice slightly with each word and feeling irritated again.

“It’s true?” Sam asked quietly.

“Yes!” Dean snapped at him exasperated. He then closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “I can put him on the phone if you’d like to.”

And before Sam could protest he went back to Novak’s table and passed his phone to Castiel.

“Cas, man, please tell my brother that you exist,” Dean said sighing.

Castiel squinted at the phone and then glanced at Dean’s face before taking the offered item and putting it to his ear.

“Hello? This is Castiel Novak speaking.”

Only after that Dean realized what have he done. He apparently took the decision of renting his room away from Castiel and made him talk with his brother. And, oh yeah, he was going to live with somebody. _Peachy._

Dean sat down with his head in his hands and groaned internally. He was so fucked. He was mentally cursing this whole situation and not paying any attention to his surroundings when somebody tapped him on the shoulder. Dean raised his head and saw Castiel leaning slightly toward him.

“Your brother wishes to speak with you, Dean,” Castiel said and passed him the phone.

“Thanks,” Dean said accepting it. “Yeah?” he asked his brother.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam said immediately.

“It’s okay, don’t sweat it,” Dean said, trying to sound casual.

“I really am. I know this must be… tough for you,” Sam said and after short pause added “Castiel mentioned you need to prepare the room for him. Do you… um… want some help?”

Dean didn’t want to refuse his brother’s help any more but he also knew he wasn’t ready to tell him about his secret.

“No, Sam. I’ll be fine,” he said.

“If you ever need anything…” Sam didn’t finish but Dean knew it anyway.

“I know. Thanks Sam.”

“Bye, Dean.”

“Bye,” he said and ended the call.


	3. Chapter Three

“Explain it to me once again, please Gabriel. Why were you so insistent on me accepting Dean’s renting offer?” Castiel asked, moving his hand from pinching the bridge of his nose to massage his temple before a headache could form.

They were in Gabriel’s car – an old, light blue Ford Mustang – on they way back to Gabriel’s apartment. It was a long drive since his brother lived over an hour and a half drive away from Castiel’s new job at Crowley’s company.

“You needed a place to stay and you refused to live with me,” Gabriel said while driving.

“It was only wise to choose a location close to my new workplace,” Castiel reasoned, closing his eyes for few seconds.

“There you go! Dean lives close enough and the rent is pretty low too,” Gabriel said glancing at his brother.

“That still doesn’t excuse your persistence,” Castiel remarked.

“Fine!” Gabriel said exasperated. “I thought you two would get along well since you both seem to have similar social issues.”

Castiel huffed. “Anxiety is not a topic to make fun of, Gabriel. Besides, I’m sure you didn’t know about it when you met Dean as ‘Jimmy’,” Castiel made air quotes around the name. “Which, by the way, I find highly cumbersome. I asked you not to do it and you still refuse to listen to me, Gabriel,” Castiel said irritated, almost pouting.

One second Castiel was glaring at his brother and the other his own reflection was smiling back at him. The fact that Gabriel was a shape shifter was always troublesome, but the fact that he took great pleasure in impersonating Castiel was highly unnerving (much to Gabriel’s amusement).

“That’s the privilege of big brothers, Cassie,” Gabriel (aka Jimmy) winked at him.

“I also asked you not to call me that,” Castiel glared at him, while his brother was back to his own, still irritating, self. “I’m a grown man, you should show me some respect,” Castiel said. 

“Of course you are! That’s another reason why I chose to be so ‘insistent’ as you put it,” his brother’s smirk changed to something more mischievous and that wasn’t a good sign. It never is.

Castiel mentally braced himself, already afraid of the answer, but asked nonetheless “And why is that?”

Gabriel looked at him long enough to make Castiel regret his question but not enough to drive them off of the road. Unfortunately.

“You need the d, little brother,” he deadpanned.

“What?!” Castiel was _not_ prepared for such answer. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh please! I know that before you finally broke up with that dickhead Balthazar you weren’t exactly _satisfied_ ,” Gabriel said making air quotes with one hand, eyes still on the road.

Castiel groaned and hid his face in his hands. “How do you even know that? I’ve never said anything on the matter.”

“You didn’t have to, with each phone call you were whining more and more…” Gabriel said.

“I don’t whine,” Castiel interrupted him, glancing from behind his palms and Gabriel smirked at his brother’s tone which was _not_ a whine.

“…It was obvious you lacked a proper fuck,” Gabriel finished.

“Gabriel!” Castiel exclaimed horrified.

“What? It’s true! Balthazar was a douche, you should get over him as soon as possible, Cassie,” Gabriel said firmly, his expression serious.

The worst thing was it actually _was_ true. Castiel’s relationship with Balthazar was based mostly on sex, at least from Balthazar’s side, and when Castiel tried to change it, to convince him that being together is not only about sex, it all slowly fell apart. Castiel refused to have sex with him in an attempt to get closer on the more meaningful level. But as it turned out Castiel was the only one that maintained his celibacy. The final straw was when Castiel found Balthazar in a threesome on their white couch in their apartment. He just packed and left, Balthazar didn’t even go after him.

“And what’s a better way to forget a lover?” his brother asked, face softening when he glanced at Castiel, and waggling his eyebrows. “Find a new one!”

“You don’t even know if Dean is gay,” Castiel said tiredly.

“It doesn’t matter,” Gabriel waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.

“On the contrary, Gabriel, it matters a great deal if one feels the attraction to the same gender to get involved into intercourse with a member of said gender,” Castiel explained.

“Cassie, Cassie,” Gabriel tsked. “You still don’t see it, do you? You are, as they say, ‘aesthetically gifted’,” Gabriel nudged him with his elbow.

“What does my exterior have to do with Dean’s hypothetical sexual orientation?” Castiel asked genuinely confused.

“You, dear little bro, have the power of turning people gay,” Gabriel said with a smile and a wink toward Castiel.

Castiel groaned, there was the headache he so much tried to avoid. “Just… just take me home.”

**************************************************************************************************

The last box of car parts and random metal elements was put into his bedroom and Dean sighed heavily. It took seven boxes to empty the other room. Tomorrow he’ll take the boxes to the workshop at Crowley’s so he could work with them there. He should probably tell Castiel that there won’t be any furniture in the bedroom, since Dean sold everything he didn’t use. The room was spacious and for a second Dean wondered if it’s really the smaller bedroom. He was tired but he still had to vacuum the floor and put a lock on his bedroom door. Tomorrow he’ll have a flat mate.

Dean huffed out an irritated breath. Castiel was supposed to only come and see the apartment, and then decide whether he’d like to live here or not, but apparently making him talk with Dean’s brother took the decision away from him. It’s not like Dean forced Castiel to live with him, God knows that’s the last thing he’d want, but it was kind of settled that tomorrow Castiel will bring all his things to move in. He wouldn’t be starting his job in a few days so it gave Castiel time to move in and accommodate.

Dean started to attach the lock on his door when a thought stroke him, _what if it’s not enough?_ Oh no, he was not going to let another anxiety attack disturb his day. He was a grown man, he could handle some stress. Besides, Castiel turned out to be very helpful when it came to calming Dean down. _No!_ He will not get close to Castiel, he doesn’t need to have another person on his conscience. They’ll just live together, they don’t need to be friends.

With that in mind Dean went back to his ministrations and finally put on the lock. He was exhausted and sweaty, so he decided to shower before vacuuming. Damn, he forgot to call Castiel and the man was supposed to be here early in the morning tomorrow.

Grabbing his phone from where it sat on the kitchen counter, Dean shuffled through his contacts to find Castiel’s number. It wasn’t a long search since he had only handful of numbers saved on his cell. He sighed and tried not to think about how pathetic that was.

With the fifth ring Dean’s brow furrowed in thought. Castiel didn’t seem like the type who would wait that long before answering the phone. Maybe he was just busy. When Dean was ready to hang up and try calling later his call was accepted and from the other end of line he heard someone grumble something incoherent.

“Erm, Castiel? This is Dean,” Dean said.

“Dee?” came the response, and was that a _yawn_?

“Are you… Were you sleeping?” Dean asked tentatively.

There was a deep sigh and some shuffling. Then Castiel said with his voice rough and heavy with sleep “Of course I was, Dean. It’s two in the morning.”

Well shit.

“Um, sorry man, I didn’t know,” Dean said lamely and heard what he thought was an amused huff.

“That’s okay, I guess. It’s not that I had to wake up early,” Castiel said, his voice just hinted with sarcasm.

 _Oh it’s gonna be so much fun to live with the man_ , Dean thought to himself bitterly.

“Right, about that, if you have any furniture you can easily move, bring it tomorrow since the room is totally empty,” Dean said. 

There was a long pause and Dean thought that Castiel fell asleep.

“Alright, thank you for the _early_ reminder,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, sorry again. See you in a few hours,” Dean cringed at his own words.

“Goodnight, Dean,” came Castiel’s response and then the line went dead.

Dean sighed. Ever since they met there were bumps along the way, first the misunderstanding with Castiel’s brother, Jimmy, then Dean’s stupid anxiety attack that could have ended far worst and now the wake-up call. It doesn’t promise them long friendship. _No friendship_ , Dean reminded himself. _Castiel’s just a means to an end_. It somehow left him feeling uncomfortable. After all Castiel was a human being and he surely didn’t deserve such treatment. Dean only hoped that Castiel won’t bring him any more trouble than Dean already had.

***************************************************************************************

Morning came too early for Castiel’s liking. After Dean woke him up in the middle of the night Castiel had had only two more hours of sleep. He was already packed, since he came to Gabriel just few days ago and didn’t bother to unpack. Part of his belongings was still at Balthazar’s place but he agreed to send them to Castiel when he would settle somewhere.

Castiel stretched under the covers and heard a muffled thump and an angry meow following right after.

“Sorry, Alfie,” Castiel said to the two yellow eyes glaring at him from the floor.

The cat looked at him for a while, then turned around and strolled out of the living room, where Castiel was sleeping on his brother’s couch. Castiel sighed. He didn’t want to move in with Dean. Well, not because of Dean, he seemed to be an ‘okay guy’ as his brother would say. Castiel didn’t like changes. And yet his life was constantly changing in the last few weeks. New city, new job, new apartment. At least there were things that didn’t change, like Alfie. _Or Gabriel_ , his mind supplied. Castiel huffed an amused breath, yes Gabriel was never going to change.

 _Gabriel_.

Castiel ought to wake up his brother – somebody had to drive him to Dean’s place. Pulling himself off of the couch with a groan, Castiel went to Gabriel’s room and stopped just outside the door. He knocked but there was no answer. He tried again, this time calling his brother’s name and was greeted with some shuffling and a groan.

“Gabriel, you need to wake up and drive me to Dean’s place,” Castiel said cracking open the door and sticking his head inside his older brother’s bedroom.

“Don’t worry Cassie, I’ll get you to Dean,” Gabriel grumbled, his voice a bit muffled from the pillow he’s been lying on face first. “I bet he can’t wait to have you.”

“How is it that even half asleep you manage to make inappropriate innuendos?” Castiel asked.

“That’s because I’m fabulous, bro,” Gabriel said rolling over on his back.

Castiel was in the middle of rolling his eyes when he caught a glimpse of his very naked brother.

“Oh for the love of- Cover yourself, Gabriel, you are indecent!” Castiel exclaimed shutting his eyes closed and turning around.

“Hmm, nobody ever called me that,” Gabriel mused out loud. “And you can bet your sweet ass that they had plenty to say about my body.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Castiel said. “And please, don’t _ever_ refer to your body and my backside in one sentence.”

“Your _backside_?” Gabriel asked amused, levering himself from the bed. “Who talks like that, Cassie?”

“I do, Gabriel,” Castiel grumbled.

“I bet Dean doesn’t say ‘backside’,” Gabriel said standing behind Castiel. “Come on bro, repeat after me: _ass_.”

“You’re disgusting,” Castiel spat at Gabriel over his shoulder. “Get dressed, I’ll be waiting in the kitchen,” Castiel said and hurried to said room, leaving his laughing brother behind.

********************************************************************************************

Exactly at 6am Dean opened the door to his apartment to the Novak brothers carrying in a few boxes. They both looked like they needed more sleep and Dean was instantly reminded of his late night call.

“Sorry again for the call this morning Cas,” he said instead of a greeting and let the brothers inside his apartment.

“Don’t worry about it,” Castiel said and then pointed with his chin at the boxes in his hands. “Where can I put those?”

“Right, beside the couch would be good. Do you need some help?”

“No, I think we’ll manage,” Castiel shook his head. 

“Is this all you’ve got?” Dean asked looking at few boxes and a duffel bag.

“Yep, Cassie’s pretty easy to satisfy,” Gabriel said.

“ _Gabriel_ ,” Castiel said in warning.

“What? I didn’t say anything wrong!” Gabriel said looking fake innocent.

Castiel sighed but before he could say something Gabriel added quietly “There’s nothing wrong in wanting the d-”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Castiel said cutting off his brother and shoving him out the apartment.

“Good luck!” Gabriel managed to say before Castiel shut the door behind him.

Castiel was leaning against the door, probably cursing his brother silently when Dean broke the silence.

“So um, welcome.”

“I’m sorry Dean, my brother can be infuriating sometimes,” Castiel said moving away from the door and glancing at his flat mate but not quite meeting his eyes. 

“Older brothers, eh?” Dean chuckled. “I bet you and Sam could kick about us together.”

“I don’t agree, I think you are far greater than Gabriel,” Castiel deadpanned.

That comment made Dean unsure.

“Gee, um, I’m not sure if it’s a compliment or not, but I’ll take it anyway, Cas,” Dean said tentatively. “Is it okay if I call you Cas?”

“Yes, unless you start calling me ‘Cassie’.”

“Cassie? Dude, you’re not some 16 years old girl,” Dean frowned.

“Tell that to my brother,” Castiel huffed exasperated.

Dean nodded his head in thought. Castiel was here and he was going to live with the man. Shit, he probably supposed to show him around.

“Yeah, listen,” Dean cleared his throat. “As you can see this place is not very big…”

“You have no TV,” Castiel observed.

“What? No, yea, I mean no, I don’t,” Dean was thrown off of his line of thoughts.

“Why?” Castiel asked tilting his head to the side and looking Dean deep in the eyes.

“I don’t really need it, I never had time to actually watch TV,” Dean said sincerely. He didn’t want to add that he sold his TV to pay bills three months ago.

Castiel seemed to be satisfied with that answer and didn’t ask more. _Ha_ , Dean thought to himself, _he really is easy to satisfy_.

 _Wait, what?_

A loud meow pulled Dean out of his thoughts.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Castiel exclaimed and hurried to one of the boxes lying on the floor of now _their_ living room. “I’m so sorry, Alfie!”

“You have a cat?” Dean asked as soon as the ginger animal jumped out from where Castiel released it.

“Will that be a problem?” Castiel asked. “I mean, I know I haven’t mentioned it before but…”

Castiel stopped talking. Dean was backing away from the cat slowly. He learned quite early that animals, especially dogs, didn’t like him. They were always aggressive towards him.

“Are you allergic to cats’ fur?” Castiel asked looking concerned but not moving away from where he kneeled on the floor to open Alfie’s carrier (now that Dean had noticed that one of the boxes was actually a cat’s carrier) and petting his cat slowly.

“No, I just…” Dean said still backing away when the cat decided to slowly follow him. 

Alfie was getting closer, his tail flicking to the sides as he approached the man. Dean was now against the wall. It must have looked hilarious, a grown man afraid of little cat, but Dean knew how it was – they would play innocent and then attack with surprise. Dean felt the heat creeping up on him and he did not want his powers to be triggered by a _cat_.

The cat indeed surprised Dean. When it was just a few feet away from the man the cat stopped and sat down, sniffing at the air surrounding Dean. Then did the most incredible thing – it closed the distance between itself and Dean and snuggled to his legs. It also started to purr.

“He likes you.”

“What?” Dean was totally taken aback with the animal’s behavior.

“Alfie. He likes you,” Castiel repeated. “He usually doesn’t like anybody.”

Dean looked down at the cat at his feet. That was probably the first animal to ever like him. 

“Animals don’t like me,” Dean said. He refused to acknowledge any other possibility and was still waiting for it to attack him.

“Have you ever had any?” Castiel asked.

Dean was silent for a moment, thinking. “When Sam and I were little, he wanted to get a dog. He was always bringing home strays,” he smiled at the fond memory. “But our dad wouldn’t let him keep them.”

“What about your mother?” Castiel asked, still sitting on the floor.

“Our mom she… She died when I was four,” Dean swallowed hard. “There was… a fire.”

Castiel got up from his spot on the floor and came to stand before Dean.

“I’m sorry, Dean. It must have been hard for you to grow up without her.”

It was even harder to live with the knowledge that he was responsible for her death, but Dean couldn’t say that, so he just nodded his head and remained silent. They stood like that, looking at each other for what felt like few minutes until Dean snapped out of his thoughts, blinking a few times.

“Right, so, this is the living room,” he said and waved his arms around to emphasize his words.

“Yes, I can see that,” Castiel deadpanned looking around. “It’s connected with the kitchen.”

“The door opposite to the entrance is my bedroom, yours is at the end of this corridor on the left. The bathroom’s on the right,” Dean said.

Castiel nodded his head in answer.

“Okay. Now, there are few rules. No, scratch that, there is only one rule – don’t ever go into my room,” Dean said.

There was silence in which Castiel was probably wondering why Dean would make such a rule. Whether or not he had any questions, he kept them to himself because he simply said “That’s understood.”

“I need to go to work and you can unpack,” Dean said glancing at his watch. “Will your furniture arrive today?”

“It seems likely, yes. Although I require a new bed since my old one was… _shared_ ,” Castiel said wrinkling his nose slightly.

From the bitter tone of his voice Dean figured that Castiel was probably after a bad breakup. He felt sorry for the guy, Castiel seemed to be a nice man, a bit stiff and odd but no one is perfect, right?

“I’m sorry, buddy.”

“It’s okay, I’m… fine.”

Dean felt that Castiel’s ‘fine’ was of the same kind as his, when Sam asked him how he was these few days ago. He decided not to dwell on it.

“Hey, um, I’m sorry that there’s nothing in the bedroom but I wasn’t using it as one.”

“That’s all right, I’ll take a bus and go shopping,” Castiel said casually.

“A bus?” Dean asked confused. “And what? You’re gonna buy mattress and put it on the seat beside you?”

“Yes?” Castiel replied uncertain.

“No way, man. You start unpacking and wait for the rest of your stuff, and when I come back from work I’ll take you shopping,” Dean said, shuffling to find his car keys.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden,” Castiel said looking at him.

“Nah man, that won’t be any problem. ‘Sides, my baby would love a longer run.”

“Your… _baby_?” Castiel slowly asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Yeah, my car,” Dean said excitedly. 

“Oh, _oh_ , the car!” Castiel said at the explanation.

“Something wrong?” Dean asked feeling unsure.

“My apologies, I wasn’t trying to upset you, Dean,” Castiel said. “My brother also seems to be very fond of his blue mustang.”

“Gabriel likes classic cars?” Dean’s curiosity and love for cars perked at that.

“I assume he sees it as a mean to an end. He often refers to it as his ‘chick magnet’,” Castiel made air quotes around his words. “But I believe that it’s just kind of an expensive manhood enhancer,” he explained.

Dean snorted at that. “Yeah, you know what they say, short guys have small packages.”

“I don’t think that’s-,” Castiel cut himself off, his expression suddenly mortified, like he said more than he intended to.

“Ew, man, you saw your brother’s junk? That’s gross!” Dean said half horrified half amused with Castiel’s traumatized look.

Castiel groaned and slapped hands on his ears. “Can we please change the subject? It’s enough that the image will give me nightmares, I’m not particularly fond of discussing the matter further.”

“Hey, you started it,” Dean reminded him and made his way to the door when he remembered about something.

He turned back and headed to his bedroom to check if he locked the door. After fumbling with the lock for a while Dean was satisfied to hear a loud click announcing his bedroom door closed. He turned around to find Castiel observing him closely.

“I um…” Dean struggled with words.

“Don’t worry, you have an understandable right to privacy,” Castiel told him.

“Right, I should be going anyway,” Dean said walking out the small apartment. “See you later, Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

************************************************************************************** 

Castiel was busy unpacking his things and putting some of his cosmetics on the bathroom shelf when a loud noise startled him. He darted to the kitchen to find Alfie sitting on the kitchen counter, looking very pleased. On the floor laid a broken whiskey bottle. It must have been empty before Alfie threw it down judging from the lack of fluid on the tiles. Castiel sighed and started to clean up the mess his cat has done. Now that Dean was gone Castiel could really think about the situation he got himself into. His new job paid less than the previous one, but Castiel hadn’t really had time to find a better one. After catching Balthazar red-handed all he wanted to do was get out, leave all his previous life behind. And so he did or at least he thought he did.

A loud knock on the door startled him and Castiel mentally cursed himself for being such an easy to scare person. He opened the door and was greeted with the sight of his ex-boyfriend, Balthazar.

“What are you doing here?” Castiel asked in lieu of greeting.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Balthazar said and smiled at him but his smile soon fell under Castiel’s cold gaze. “I brought your things.”

“Thank you. You could have simply sent them, you didn’t have to come here,” Castiel said much colder than he intended to.

“I know,” Balthazar said. When Castiel said nothing in return, he asked “Are you going to keep me standing in the hall or are you going to invite me in?”

Castiel hesitated for a second, but then stepped aside to make room for Balthazar to enter.

“Thank you. Ah, nice _little_ place you have here.”

“If you came here to mock me, you can just leave already,” Castiel almost growled.

“Easy there, sweetheart. I’m coming in peace,” Balthazar said raising his hands in a surrendering gesture.

Castiel squinted at him.

“Why are you really here, Balthazar?” he asked again, closing the door behind his guest.

“I was just curious how you’ve been,” Balthazar answered nonchalantly, looking around the living room and noticing the broken glass from whiskey bottle still lying on the kitchen’s floor. “I can see you had some fun already.”

Castiel followed his gaze. He was not going to let Balthazar mock him. “I think you should leave.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Castiel asked not really catching what his ex-boyfriend meant.

“If it’s worth anything, I came to apologize,” Balthazar said looking somewhere above Castiel’s left shoulder. “I really am sorry for what I’ve done to you.”

Castiel looked at Balthazar, his ex-boyfriend not meeting his eyes, and he thought about the months they spent together. About the beginning of their relationship, the passion that connected them and then about them slowly growing apart.

“Thank you,” Castiel said quietly. “But you know it’s not going to reverse what is already done.”

“I know,” Balthazar whispered. “I just wanted to let you know I regret what I’ve done,” he said, meeting Castiel’s eyes for a moment. “So, friends?” he asked tentatively.

Castiel knew he’ll need much more time to forgive Balthazar for what he did, but he also knew he wouldn’t keep his grudge forever. 

“This isn’t that simple, Balthazar,” he finally said.

The other man’s smile fell entirely and for the first time Castiel saw him as a vulnerable human being.

“I understand. Well, I will be going now,” Balthazar said and turned to leave the apartment. 

Balthazar opened the door and smiled for the last time, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Your secret is safe with me. Take care, Castiel.”

“You too, Balthazar.”

With Balthazar gone, Castiel was left with two elderly men bringing in his old furniture, and a slight feeling of closure. He was grateful that Balthazar came and told him that he understands what damage his actions had caused to Castiel. But there was no going back. He sighed; he would have to build his life again. But for now he would have to build his bookcase seeing that it came in few parts.

**********************************************************************************

Dean came back home feeling insecure. Although he knew he was being silly Dean was afraid of what he’d fine there. He was imagining Castiel braking into Dean’s room and finding out about his secret. Or Castiel robbing him and finding out about his secret. Or Castiel calling cops because he found out about his secret. And did he mention Cas finding out about his secret? Every step bringing Dean closer to home was also convincing him that renting one of his rooms to Castiel was a very bad idea.

And he really wasn’t prepared for what was waiting for him at home.

“What the hell?” he said as soon as he opened the door. Well, _tried and failed_ to open them wider than just a crack.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice came from inside.

“ _What the hell?!_ ” Dean repeated, pushing at the door with all his strength but they moved just an inch or so.

“Wait!” Castiel yelled and second later a loud noise of something heavy falling to the ground followed. “Just let me-”

There were more disturbingly loud noises of something hitting the floor and Castiel’s grunting, but finally, much to Dean’s surprise, the door give way and he stumbles forward falling right into Castiel.

He supported Dean’s weight and righted him, but didn’t immediately let go. They stood like that, faces inches apart until Dean cleared his throat and said “Um, personal space?”

Castiel’s eyes widened slightly, like he just realized how close they were standing. “My apologies,” he said and moved away.

Dean shook his head and just then took in the sight of his ( _their_ ) living room. There were wooden shelves, chairs, something that seems to be a coffee table and plain wooden boards scattered everywhere – on the flood, on his couch, beside the door.

“Huh, guess your furniture arrived.”

Castiel looked away, turning slightly pink. “Yes, I seem to have difficulties with assembling them.”

Dean sighed and moved away to the kitchen. “Let me just put away my things.”

After few hours most of Castiel’s furniture was successfully put together. Three chairs joined the one in the kitchen, the coffee table was left to stand in the middle of the living room and the closet and bookcase stood proudly in Castiel’s new room.

“You sure like reading,” Dean observed, watching Castiel empty third or fourth box of books in order to put them on his bookshelf.

“I do. You can borrow any of them if you want,” Castiel said.

“Nah, I’m not much of a book fan,” Dean replied.

“Why not?”

“Dunno, just haven’t got time.”

“Average adult reads 300 words per minute, men spent approximately 15 minutes a day on the toilet. If you spent that time reading you could finish _The Hobbit_ in about 20 days.”

Not hearing any answer from Dean Castiel turned to look at him, his hand still holding a book stopped mid reach.

“I… don’t know what to say to this,” Dean admitted.

Castiel shrugged, “Just say you’ll try it.”

He continued to put his books away on shelves, this time not waiting for Dean’s response. Dean glanced around the room, noticing few long wooden boards, lying in a heap against the opposite wall.

“What’s this?”

Castiel looked behind over his shoulder, “Oh, that’s my bed.”

“Your bed?” Dean asked amused. “You sleep on wooden boards? What are you, a fakir?”

“Fakir lies on a bed of nails, which is an oblong piece of wood, the size of a bed, with nails pointing upwards out of it,” Castiel informed him, walking over to said boards. “This is a bed frame. See this?” He pulled one board from the heap and handed it to Dean. “This is the headboard, look at those carvings.”

Dean trailed his fingers lightly along the curves and hollows of the pattern. The wood was soft, well polished, warm and… _flammable_. Dean yanked his hand away, suddenly very aware of the amount of wood now located around his house.

“Dean, what happened?”

“Nothing, just um splinter,” Dean said and hurried out the door.

“Let me see,” Castiel hurried after him.

“No! I mean, it’s nothing, really Cas, don’t worry,” Dean backed away to the bathroom and locked the door behind himself. “I’ll be out in a sec!”

Dean stood in front of the mirror, he was pale and looked tired. All his adult life he was trying to reduce contact with other people to minimum, threw away from his apartment any flammable objects, fireproofed his own bedroom, so he wouldn’t harm anyone if he suddenly lost control of himself and now… Now he was living with another human being, he was starting to socialize, and he was surrounded with _wood_.

Dean sighed. Could it be any worse?

“Dean?” Castiel knocked softly on the bathroom door. “How long do you think are shops open?”

Dean frowned and opened the door. “Why?”

“I’ve got a bed frame, but I still need a mattress.”

As it turned out they spent so much time putting together Castiel’s furniture that when they finally arrived at the shop it was already closed. That meant that his first night at his new home Castiel was going to spend on the couch.


	4. Chapter Four

I has been over a week since Castiel moved in with Dean. He was still sleeping on the couch, because the mattress he ordered had to be imported from another state and would be here today. Dean almost had a heart attack one night when he went to the kitchen past midnight and forgot about Cas. He didn’t turn on the light, he didn’t need to, he knew his flat like the back of his hand, and when he was passing the couch something stirred and snored loudly. Dean almost jumped and spilled the glass of water he’s been holding.

They established routine in which Castiel made meals, cleaned the apartment (staying away from Dean’s room) and Dean made groceries and drove them to work. Castiel’s paycheck and incredible cooking skills helped get both the apartment and Dean in good shape and it sounded blissful and domestic, but Dean was getting more nervous and shifty with each passing day. He was getting attached to comforts of having someone to talk to, to being served freshly cooked meals every day and so instead of being happy he waited for the other shoe to drop. 

“Dean, you look overstressed,” Castiel told him one evening, taking in his pale face and dark bags under his eyes with critical eye. “What are your relaxation techniques?”

“My what?” Dean asked slightly confused.

“ _Relax_ , Dean. What do you do to relax and for fun?”

Dean pondered on his question. He tried to think about the last time he did something for fun but he couldn’t remember. He didn’t watch TV (because he didn’t own TV set), he hardly ever go out (unless for a quick grocery run) and didn’t meet with other people outside from Ash and few other nameless workers at Crowley’s or Sam, but even those couple hours with his brother were only slightly funny.

He misses the time when he and his brother were closer, back when he was a teenager. He and Sammy were best friends, Dean would go after him in the fire (and not because with his powers he would be unharmed). After their mother died Dean swore to himself that he will always protect Sam, just like their father told him that memorable night when he put little Sam in Dean’s arms – ‘ _keep him safe_ ’.

And Dean did. He managed to suppress his powers for Sam’s sake, he couldn’t imagine loosing him. But as the time went by it was harder for him to keep his promise. After few fire accidents, about which Sam blissfully doesn’t know, Dean started to slowly push his brother away. The final straw broke when Dean got suspended and then dropped out of school completely.

Castiel sighed. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but considering your lack of answer I assume that you don’t do much to relax.”

Dean nodded, there was too much to explain so he let Castiel do the talking.

“All right, first of all, I would really recommend you to stop drinking coffee,” Castiel said.

“But I love coffee!” Dean whined.

“You drink too much of it. It can cause magnesium deficiency and that can lead to increasing the risk of illnesses, including high blood pressure and heart disease, diabetes mellitus type 2, osteoporosis, and migraines,” Castiel said.

“Oh come on! It’s not that bad!” Dean argued.

“Also,” Castiel continued like he haven’t heard Dean say anything, “a study conducted at Durham University found that people who consumed at least 315 mg of caffeine, which is about three cups of brewed coffee a day, were three times more likely to hallucinate than more conservative coffee-drinkers.”

Well, that was something to consider. Dean’s nightmares were happening almost daily lately.

“You know what? You’re like a walking Wikipedia,” Dean said finally.

“I like to think I’m more of a Google Scholar,” Castiel smirked at him, and was that flirting? “So, will you consider it? I recommend you black tea as a substitute for coffee, but I have other you are welcome to try.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll give it a shot.”

“Great. Now that we have made that little change in your diet we can focus back on the relaxation techniques,” Castiel said and walked to the coffee table. “Help me move the table.”

They moved coffee table to the side and then stood in the middle of living room.

“Now lie on the floor,” Castiel said.

“Why?”

“Just lie down,” Castiel said placing his laptop atop the coffee table. “And close your eyes.”

Dean eyed him suspiciously. Castiel was searching something on his laptop and then glancing over his shoulder at Dean. He squinted his eyes and Dean recognized that look as ‘I told you to do something’, and so he lied on the carpet. He didn’t close his eyes though. He wasn’t sure what Cas wanted to do.

As if hearing his thoughts Castiel said “I’m going to play you some music and I want you to focus on it.” He then turned around, “So close your eyes and relax.”

Sighing and closing his eyes Dean asked “But you’re not gonna take advantage of me or something?”

“I am not going to take advantage of you.” Castiel’s voice sounded closer than Dean thought it would, so he opened his eyes and saw Cas kneeling next to his head. “Close your eyes.”

Dean closed them again, not feeling very relaxed.

“Imagine a lake, Dean. It’s late, sky is already dark and you can see the stars,” Castiel said and the first song started to play in the background. 

“Hey, I know that song! Is that… _Massive Attack_?” Dean opened his eyes. “Lake, stars, music… You sure you not tryina to seduce me, Cas?” He asked raising his brows and smirking.

“Sure. Now shut up and relax,” Cas said and Dean chuckled, but closed his eyes nonetheless.

“You are lying in a boat, drifting slowly on the lake. There’s a light breeze cooling your body.”

Dean felt Castiel’s breath on his neck and a shiver run his spine. No, he must have imagined it. He cracked open one eye. Cas was lying on the floor beside him, but he arranged himself the other direction than Dean, so only their heads were aligned. Castiel’s eyes were closed and he was still talking to the ceiling. Dean zoned out for a moment and all he registered was the steady, heart-beat rhythm of the song and he caught himself mouthing along the words ‘ _you are my angel, send from up above_ ’. He wasn’t even listening anymore to what Castiel was saying, he just looked at his relaxed features, dark hair, one-day stubble and blue eyes.

 _Shit_.

Castiel stopped talking and was looking at him. He saw Cas’ eyes got slightly bigger and it occurred to him how this whole situation looked like.

_Shitshitshit!_

“Right,” Dean was suddenly on his feet, feeling the heat return in waves. “I- I need to work for a while. Thanks Cas, I feel much more relaxed,” he said, backing away to his room.

“Are you sure? You don’t look relaxed,” Castiel observed standing up slowly and going after Dean.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure. Now please, let me work.” Dean was fumbling with the key to his room. He was sure he’s red from embarrassment, and hopefully not from the heat that was burning him from inside.

“Dean,” Castiel was standing directly behind him and Dean turned to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Cas,” Dean said trying desperately to turn the key behind his back. “I just really need to work, ‘s all.”

Castiel looked unconvinced. He stepped even closer, invading Dean’s personal space and cocked his head to the side. “Dean, you’re hot.”

_What?_

“What?”

Castiel moved his hand up to Dean’s face and placed it on his forehead. “You’re burning hot, I think you have a fever.”

Before Dean could say anything Castiel vanished in the bathroom but quickly emerged back with some pills in his hand.

“Here, take those, I’ll bring you some water.”

“Listen, I don’t need those, really Cas,” Dean tried to argue but Castiel was already pouring him glass of water and bringing it back to Dean. “I’ll just lie down for a bit.”

“All right, but take them first.” Castiel was relentless.

“Fine,” Dean sighed defeated. If that meant that Cas will finally leave him alone then be it. He took two pills and swallowed them down with half a glass of water.

He turned the key in lock on his door and when he was about to enter his room Castiel spoke from behind him.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have forced you.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked turning to look him in the eye.

“The relaxation techniques,” Castiel clarified.

“Oh, that. Nah, ‘s okay. You had a good idea, we should repeat it sometime,” Dean said and entered his room, quickly closing the door behind.

Did he just told Castiel what he thinks he did?

Dean groaned and slapped his forehead. He couldn’t let himself get close to Castiel, it would end bad for both of them.

************************************************************************************** 

“I think you should invite your brother over,” Castiel said casually over the breakfast the next day.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dean said warily, trying to think fast of a good excuse.

“Why not? You speak very well of him, I would really like to meet him in person.”

“Yeah, but you know he got studies and man, law is not an easy subject!”

“I’m aware, that is why I thought about Friday evening,” Castiel said buttering his toast.

“What?” Dean asked confused.

“Don’t tell me Sam will be studying on Friday evening. If he did he must have been a real… How do you say it? _Nerd_?”

“Oh he is a nerd! But I don’t think he would. Man that would be too lame, even for him!” Dean said smirking to himself.

“Wonderful! Then it’s settled, Sam’s coming over Friday evening!” Castiel stood up from the table, putting his dish in the sink. “I was thinking about a movie night? Perhaps we could watch that movie you told me about, _Star Wars_ was it?”

“That’s six movies not one, and I don’t think we’ll be able to watch all of them. I guess three, maybe four top,” Dean mused out loud.

“I take that as a yes,” Castiel smiled at him. “Hurry up, we need to get to work.”

Dean was opening and closing his mouth. How could he let Cas so easily outsmart him?

************************************************************************************* 

Friday came sooner than Dean anticipated and so he was now sitting on the couch in his living room with his brother and flat mate on either side of him. 

“How did you manage to convince Dean to make this movie night is beyond me!” Sam said. “Thanks Castiel.”

“You’re welcome, Sam,” Castiel smiled politely but then frowned. “Although I fail to see why Dean wouldn’t want to spend his time watching movies he so gladly talks about.”

Dean tensed. What was he supposed to say? After his conversation with Cas these few days ago he was trying to find an excuse to cancel today’s meeting but didn’t come up with anything good. Castiel made him crave contact with other people, but he still was afraid he might loose control over himself.

“My apologies,” Castiel said. “I wasn’t aware I said something wrong.”

“No, that’s all right, Cas,” Dean said and hesitated if he should say more, but Sam cut him off.

“It’s just that Dean is always either busy with work or not feeling well, he has little time for fun.”

Dean glanced at his flat mate. Castiel looked unconvinced for a second, but then seemingly decided not to dwell on it. He nodded and stood up from the couch.

“Before we begin our movie marathon, would you like something to drink?” Castiel asked.

“Did somebody wanted a drink?” Gabriel’s voice came from the door.

“Gabriel! I thought you couldn’t come,” Castiel said frowning.

“Aw, always happy to see me,” Gabriel grinned walking past his brother and handing him a six-pack. 

“You know you are always welcome,” Castiel said.  
Dean suddenly remembered all the times when Castiel would bitch at his brother and he snorted, causing Gabriel to look his way.

“Well, well, well! What do my beautiful eyes see, Dean-o my friend! And who is that handsome being beside you?”

“Hi, I’m Sam, Dean’s brother,” Sam said, standing up and reaching his hand to greet Gabriel.

“Whoa Samsquatch, you’re huge!” Gabriel exclaimed, backing away a little in faux fear. Winchester brothers exchanged glances and Sam looked back at Gabriel uncertain, but before he could take back his hand Gabriel grabbed it and tugging on it brought Sam closer to him. “I will need a ladder,” Gabriel said looking at him appreciatively. “Or a swing,” he waggled his eyebrows.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Dean cut in, separating the two.

“Wow, someone’s territorial,” Gabriel smirked amused. “Really Dean, I didn’t think you were so greedy, Cassie _and_ Samsquatch?”

“What?” Dean asked not understanding, but then it hit him. “Son of a- How could you even- He’s my _brother!_ ”

“But you’d fuck Cas?”

In other circumstances Dean would have been amused at the lighting speed with which Gabriel managed to turn tables and make plot twists, but now he was too focused on the image his words caused. He mentally shook his head to make those thoughts go away.

“What? No! Of course not!” Dean said.

“Too little, too late, Dean-o,” Gabriel tsked at him and went to the kitchen, leaving three stunned men behind.

“My apologies,” Castiel said, startling Dean. The little shit always managed to sneak up on him. Dean noticed that Castiel’s ears turned red and he wasn’t meeting his eyes. “Gabriel is…”

“A dick?” Dean supplied.

“I heard ya!” Gabriel’s voice came from inside of one of kitchen cabinets.

“I wasn’t trying for keeping it quiet,” Dean snapped at him.

“Good,” Gabriel came back from the kitchen. “Cassie likes loud.”

Dean’s brain halted to a stop, because _what in hell?_

“ _GABRIEL!_ ” Castiel yelled, and man he could be really loud. _Nope!_ Not going there!

“Yeah, I’m done,” Gabriel said, sitting down on the couch. “So, movie anyone?”


	5. Chapter Five

It was Sunday morning, Castiel woke up early and was now preparing breakfast for himself and Dean. He liked their routine, it made him feel like he had a real home and real relationship. He smiled at the memory of Friday’s movie night. Despite the awkward beginning the rest of the evening went in rather pleasant atmosphere. Dean decided to sit between Gabriel and Sam to prevent further advances from Gabriel’s side, much to his amusement. Castiel opted to sit on the floor, beside his brother and as far away from Dean as possible. He probably never felt so embarrassed in his life. He managed to calm down after the first movie started, but the flush from his cheeks wouldn’t go away for over half an hour.

Even now every time he let his thoughts wander to the dangerous area of what his brother had implied Castiel’s breath hitches in his throat and his heart beats faster. He tried to reason his libido by reminding himself that Dean wasn’t gay and that he denied wanting to ‘fuck’ him. Being close with Dean would mean that his secret would be revealed, and Castiel was afraid of how Dean would react.

But his traitorous mind supplied him images of them ‘relaxing’ on the carpet few days ago. Only this time Dean was touching him, trailing his fingers down his body, climbing over him and pining Castiel to the ground, with want and lust in his eyes…

He remember having similar thoughts the other night. 

_Castiel visibly shivered and let out an involuntary whimper. He momentarily tried to cover it with cough but still his brother turned to him with a knowing smirk._

“Cas, are you okay?” Dean asked from his seat, now he also looking at him.

“Yes, just… just swallowed wrong,” Castiel replied.

“You better practice that,” Gabriel said quietly and earned fist punch on the foot from Castiel.

His brother was taking it too far, making jokes and innuendos, and Castiel would stop encouraging him, even if he only did it subconsciously. He will stop having inappropriate thoughts about Dean. 

**************************************************************************************** 

Dean woke up from another nightmare feeling sweaty and burning hot. He had problems with breathing, like something was squeezing his lungs or like there was a heavy weight lying on his chest, a _purring_ weight.

“What the… _Alfie!_ ” Dean said sitting on his bed abruptly and making the cat fall from his chest, scratching him in the process.

“Ow! Stupid cat! How did you even got here?” Dean asked getting up from his bed. The cat hurried out of his room through, what Dean now saw, was a cracked open door.

Cursing under his breath he pulled them open and strolled to the kitchen where Castiel was making them a tasty, heavenly smelling breakfast.

_Focus, Winchester!_

“What was your cat doing in my room?” Dean asked angrily.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel greeted him instead of answering his question and not even turning around.

“Don’t you ‘hello, Dean’ me, Cas,” Dean said taking few more steps to stand behind Castiel. “How did he get in?”

“I believe you let him in yourself, when you went out for something to drink in the middle of the night,” Castiel answered still not turning away from the oven.

“I didn’t go out of my room all night,” Dean said confused.

“You did. Maybe you’re sleepwalking?” Castiel mused, stirring the scrambled eggs. 

“I am not sleepwalking!” Dean protested. “And how could you possibly know that?”

“The lock on your door. It’s not very quiet,” Castiel explained.

“Okay, so maybe I did go out of my room at night. That doesn’t explain how that bloody cat of yours ended up using me as his pillow!”

“You must have left the door open, I don’t remember hearing you lock them,” Castiel sighed.

He turned to face Dean but as soon as he did Castiel turned back, eyes trained on the view outside kitchen’s window and his posture stiff.

“Dean, I think you should get back to your room.”

“Why?”

“Because you need to get dressed,” Castiel said, his ears turned pink.

Dean looked down at himself. In his anger he focused so much on the cat intruder that he forgot he was naked. Feeling embarrassed and somehow vulnerable Dean retreated back to his bedroom, slamming the door as he went. How could he forget to put on at least his boxers before starting this cat crusade?

Castiel really had a talent of making Dean uncomfortable.

And the cat was even worst. Dean thought the animal made himself a promise to leave its fur on every piece of Dean’s clothes he ever had. Every time Dean wanted to sit on the couch the cat was instantly in his lap. When he was making coffee the cat was rubbing himself against his legs. First few times Dean almost tripped on the damned beast and would have fell to the ground if it wasn’t for counter he managed to catch and steady himself. One time it was Castiel who caught Dean in the middle of falling and Dean swore that he’ll never ever think about how close to the other man’s crotch his face was.

Dean got dressed in the dim light of the lamp in his room and once again went to the kitchen. This time making sure to at least close the door behind himself. Castiel was already putting down two plates on their little table in ‘dining area’, as he tend to call it. Their eyes met, and Castiel turned his back to Dean, his cheeks hinted with pink. 

“Erm, sorry about that,” Dean said meaning both his outburst and nakedness.

“That’s okay, Dean, you’re at your place,” Castiel said pouring two mugs of coffee.

Dean frowned at that. “This is also your place, Cas.”

Castiel only nodded his head. “Here, I made pancakes.” He placed two plates on the table and sat down across from Dean.

“Listen, Cas-“ Dean started, but he was cut off by his cell phone ringing. It was Sam.

“You should get that,” Castiel said and opened the door.

Dean stood up and grabbed his phone from the coffee table, “What?”

“Hello to you too, jerk,” Sam said.

Dean rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, what d’ya want?”

“Can I come over? I think it would be better to tell you in person.”

Dean got suspicious. “What? What is it?”

“Can I come? I’ll be in half an hour.”

“Fine,” Dean sighed. “I’ll wait for you.”

******************************************************************************* 

„You what?”

„You heard me, Dean,” Sam said calm. “I am going to defend mutant’s rights.”

“You must be fucking kidding me,” Dean said. “You want to defend them? Those are monsters!”

“How can you- Dean, those are people! Human beings!” Sam argued.

“Oh, they are anything but _human_ ,” Dean spat.

Sam looked hurt and Dean didn’t understood why, but most of all he couldn’t understand why would Sam want to defend them. Mutants were dangerous, they were… _murderers_.

“You can’t do that, Sam,” Dean said, anger boiling in him and the heat burning from inside. But he didn’t mind it, he wanted to convince Sam he was wrong for trusting them, for trusting _him_.

“They deserve to live, to have jobs and families, to be safe,” Sam reasoned.

“Safe? And what about humans? Are they safe when mutants run free on the streets? They are dangerous, they kill people!” Dean was shaking by now, clenching his fists at his sides.

“Um, I see this is quite personal conversation,” Castiel said. Dean was so caught up in this absurd Sam was telling him that he forgot Cas was still there with them. “I’ll just leave you two.”

Castiel stood up from the couch and left the apartment. Dean hardly registered it, focused too much on Sam.

“You can’t generalize like that, Dean! Not all mutants are bad, just like not all humans are good!” Sam stood his ground. 

“Why do you love them so much?” Dean demanded.

“And why do you hate them so much?” Sam countered.

“Because, Sam! Because I’m one of them!” Dean yelled.

The silence that fell after his statement was deafening. Dean was at the edge of his nerves. He felt his skin itch, he wanted to get out of the clothes that were suffocating him.

Sam was looking at him, but Dean was surprised that there was no fear in his brother’s eyes, only sadness.

“That’s why you should know better, Dean,” Sam said quietly.

“What? Why are you-,” Dean wondered and it suddenly hit him. “You knew.”

His brother nodded once.

“How long?”

“Since I can remember,” Sam said sighing.

It was like a strike of lightning for Dean, it was so unexpected that he felt dizzy and had to sit down.

“But you’ve never said anything,” Dean said confused. How could his brother find out about his best hidden secret? _I guess it wasn’t hidden that good._

“I’ve always had my suspicions, but only confirmed them that one time at school, when you got suspended.”

Dean remembered that day, Sam was bullied at school. He was only 10 and Dean stood in his defense, fighting with the bully, three years older than himself. He burned the kid’s shirt with bare hands, giving him few burns along the way. It wasn’t as scary as it sounds like, but the kid had to go to hospital nonetheless. Dean told their headmaster that he had a lighter but got rid of it. He got suspended for all year, then dropped out the school.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Dean whispered looking at his hands in his lap. “I couldn’t protect you.”

“Dean,” his brother sat down next to him. “You were always protecting me.”

Dean sighed. “No, Sam. I _tried_ to protect you, but I failed. I thought that maybe if I push you away…”

“You made it all on purpose?” Sam asked, his eyes wide with realization. “The whole ‘don’t visit me, I don’t have time’ thing?”

Dean cringed at his words.

“Sammy, mutants are dangerous, you must understand that.”

“No, Dean, they’re not. Look at yourself!”

“I’m a bad example here, Sam,” Dean shook his head and stood up again.

His brother followed him, standing up as well.

“Why? Because you gave burns to that one asshole at school?” he asked raising his voice. “Dean, you were a _kid!_ ”

“That doesn’t excuse me!” Dean shouted. “Nothing does.”

Dean started to pace around the room, he was feeling hot all over again.

“I’m dangerous, Sam! All mutants are!” he was yelling now but he couldn’t stop. “Our mom died because of mutants, don’t you understand it?”

“Those weren’t mutants whom put that fire our mom died in!” Sam stopped him by grabbing his arm. “Those were stupid, scared humans!”

“No they weren’t! It was me!” Dean yelled, pushing Sam away from him. “Me! I started that fire! I killed mom!” Dean shouted, tears filling his eyes.

That was too much for him to handle, Dean felt his knees buck under him and he kneeled on the floor. 

“I killed mom…” he whispered.

There was silence in which Dean waited for his brother to yell at him, to hit him, to leave him alone, to maybe even kill him. None of that happened.

“Dean,” his brother whispered, kneeling beside him on the floor. “Listen to me, that wasn’t your fault, you were only four.”

“No Sammy, that was me,” Dean said looking his brother in the eye, tears rolling down his cheeks. “My powers, I can’t control them.”

“That’s because you weren’t practicing, you just tried to deny they ever existed. Now I guess I understand why,” his brother said quietly. “But Dean, the fire our mom died in really wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t know that, you were few months old! You can’t possibly remember that!” Dean argued.

“Dad told me. Once. I asked him about that night and he said that you came to our parent’s bedroom, saying you feel sick and burning hot.”

Dean swallowed hard. He remembered it, the feeling of swallowing fire.

“Dad took you downstairs to fix you something to drink and mom went to check in on me. When you two were downstairs in the kitchen dad heard mom’s scream and ran upstairs. The nursery was already on fire. Dad took me out and asked you to get me outside, then he ran in again for mom.”

“But I remember him talking with Bobby, dad said that mom would still be alive if it wasn’t for mutants and their ‘bloody powers’,” Dean said confused.

“Maybe, but he wasn’t talking about you, Dean,” Sam said calm.

“Not me? Then who?” Dean asked.

“Mom.”

“ _Mom?!_ ”

“Yes, mom was a mutant.”

“That’s impossible! Mom couldn’t be a mutant!” That was too much for Dean. Their mom a mutant? “But how?”

“She was just born that way, just like us,” Sam said.

No, Dean couldn’t believe it. He remembered his mom and she was always gentle and caring, she made amazing apple pie from the apples she gathered from the apple tree that grew in their garden.

“But she was good,” Dean still argued.

“That’s what I told you Dean, not all mutants are bad.”

Something occurred to Dean. “Wait a minute, did you say ‘ _us_ ’? As in ‘ _you and me_ ’?”

“Well, yes,” Sam said and shuffled his feet. “That’s one of the reasons I’ve wanted to meet, to tell you that in person.”

“Do you mean what I think you do?” Dean asked.

Sam just took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It seemed that the air around him shifted and a second later he was gone. Well, not entirely, because his clothes were still visible and hanging in the air like some sort of a scary Halloween decoration.

“Wow! How did you do that?”

Sam made himself visible again. “I focused and did it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Sam?” 

“Because I thought it would be better if you don’t know,” Sam said. “I was afraid that… that you’ll hate me.”

“Hate you? You’re my brother!”

“I know but...” Sam sighed. “Ever since I can remember you hated mutants, I didn’t understood it, because I knew you were one. But now I know that you thought you were responsible for mom’s death.”

Dean sighed, but Sam continued.

“Dean, you really can’t blame yourself anymore.”

“It’s a fucking lot of new information, Sam,” Dean said going to the kitchen. “I need a drink.”

“It’s not even noon,” Sam scolded him.

“Yeah, well I don’t give a shit,” he said and poured them both. “Man, that’s quite a talent you got there, I bet you sneaked up to girls changing room in high school,” Dean chuckled.

“What? No! What kind of a pervert you think I am?” Sam asked appalled.

Dean just laughed at that but then sobered. “Damn, you must have been naked so they wouldn’t see you. You probably run naked around whole school!” he added and burst out laughing again.

“ _Oh my God_ , I shouldn’t have told you this!” Sam whined.

“Nah, it’s okay Sammy,” Dean said steadying his breath. “Man, nothing’s gonna surprise me now.”

A short beeping noise signaled text message and Dean took out his phone. The text was from Castiel:

_“Dean, I think it would be best if I move out. I apologize for putting you in such position, but there are secrets to stay hidden and safety to be put first.”_

***************************************************************************************************** 

It was exactly how Castiel dreaded it would. Dean hated mutants. He despised them, maybe even feared them. Well, he wouldn’t be the first. Castiel found out that most people he met were not accepting when it comes to mutants. He tried to explain them that he really wasn’t a threat, but they just wouldn’t listen. He cursed the day he turned out like this, he hated being _different_. Balthazar accepted him, but Castiel felt he was just intrigued, maybe impressed with what Castiel could do. But truth be told, he wasn’t using his power since he was a teen, only shoving it once to Balthazar. He often wondered if that was why they grew apart.

Castiel wandered around the neighborhood, glad that the streets were empty. He couldn’t come back home just yet and he wanted to be alone. He couldn’t make Dean uncomfortable and that’s why he decided he will move out. He texted Dean to inform him about his decision:

“Dean, I think it would be best if I move out. I apologize for putting you in such position, but there are secrets to stay hidden and safety to be put first.”

He didn’t have to wait long before his cell phone started ringing. It was Dean.

“Hello, Dean.”

“What’s the matter Cas? What happened?”

“Nothing, I just decided that it would be best for both of us if I leave.”

“But why? Did um did I upset you with something?” Dean sounded genuinely upset.

“No, it’s not you, it’s…”

“Really Cas? You gonna give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech?”

“I-“, Castiel started but was cut off by Dean.

“Where are you?”

Castiel sighed. “I’m just in the park, near the apartment.”

“Wait there, I’ll be there in a sec.”

The line went dead after that and Castiel sat down on a bench nearby. He owned Dean an explanation, but how was he supposed to tell him that he was a mutant and that he lied to him? Sure they knew each other for a short time, but Castiel became attached to Dean and considered him a friend. He wished they were more than friends but with his new knowledge that Dean hated mutants he was on a lost position. Nevertheless Castiel decided he will tell him the truth.

Dean didn’t left Castiel much time to contemplate, showing up rather quick. He was panting slightly, so Castiel figured he must have ran all the way to get there.

“Listen, I don’t know why you decided to leave, but I must tell you something,” Dean said, still catching his breath.

“Before you say anything,” Castiel began, “I must admit something. I wasn’t fully sincere with you.”

“That’s fine, Cas. I need to tell you something important about-“

“Dean, I’m a mutant.”

Castiel held his breath in anticipation and fear of what will come. He would close his eyes, so he wouldn’t see terror and disgust on Dean’s face, but he was too caught up in his beautiful green eyes. Time stretched mercilessly and Castiel wanted nothing more than to hide before Dean would curse him and… _laugh?_

Dean was laughing full heartedly, his whole body shook with the force of his laugh.

“Um… Dean?” Castiel asked warily. That was not a reaction he expected.

“Yeah, sorry,” Dean shook his head, trying to gain control over his breathing once again. “It’s just that suddenly every one I know is a mutant.”

“I don’t understand, you’re not mad at me?” Castiel was confused.

“Nah,” Dean said and pated him on his back. “Come, I’ll tell you at home.”


	6. Epilogue

“I want to see them again.”

“Dean, our brothers will be here any minute now.”

“Oh come on, Cas!” Dean whined.

“Fine,” Castiel sighed. “But you owe me a massage.”

“Agreed!” Dean exclaimed and righted himself on Castiel’s bed. Well, _their_ bed now.

Castiel stood up from the bed and started to slowly unbutton his shirt. He turned his back to Dean and slid the shirt from his back, earning a gasp from Dean. He did that each time. Dean loved watching Cas flex muscles in his back, making the big tattoo seem real. From his shoulders, all the way along his arms and down his back Castiel had an amazing tattoo of wings.

Castiel flexed his shoulders and the tattooed feathers glimmered in the dim light. The feathers started to flicker and grow, and there they were – Castiel’s wings. Beautiful, dark, taking almost all the space in his room. Dean stood up from the bed and touched one wing, causing Castiel to shiver.

“Dean.”

“I just love how they feel on my skin,” he said and dig his fingers deeper into soft feathers.

“ _Dean_ ,” Castiel moaned. “We don’t have time.”

He knew that, their brothers were about to come visit so they didn’t have time for making out now. But Dean would make sure they do it later and massage was a perfect foreplay.

Since they found out about each other’s secret identity their life became happier. Angel wings are a major turn on and, as it turned out, fire is too. Although at first it was rather uncontrollable but Dean managed to restrain himself. Of course Castiel supported him, he practiced with Dean to help him tame his power by sprinkling him with water (he kept saying that it worked with Alfie so it will work with Dean).

Dean heard the doorbell rang and he moved away to make room for Castiel to fold his wings and get dressed.

“I think I should thank Gabriel,” Dean said.

“What for?” Castiel asked, putting on his shirt.

“For you.”

 


End file.
